hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.