So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
