I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
