Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I thought you said his peep was too small

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

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  (505): I thought you said his peep was too small (1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on. http://tfl.nu/ttsw
  Replies (11) Good night (659) Bad night (1738)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off

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  (717): he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off http://tfl.nu/z28p
  Replies (39) Good night (6860) Bad night (2158)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he looks like a really good dad on facebook

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  (704): he looks like a really good dad on facebook http://tfl.nu/pzsa
  Replies (5) Good night (731) Bad night (3626)
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  (925): View more from California

  Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?

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  (925): Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay? http://tfl.nu/89t2
  Replies (35) Good night (2035) Bad night (5341)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me

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  (443): I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me http://tfl.nu/rbbn
  Replies (21) Good night (839) Bad night (5006)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job

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  (651): I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job http://tfl.nu/40rf
  Replies (62) Good night (6529) Bad night (1924)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.

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  (516): I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick. http://tfl.nu/gzhw
  Replies (15) Good night (4565) Bad night (803)
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  (650): View more from California

  party gras won. party gras always wins.

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  (650): party gras won. party gras always wins. http://tfl.nu/yzh5
  Replies (5) Good night (2188) Bad night (622)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself

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  (419): after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself http://tfl.nu/nl6g
  Replies (4) Good night (1505) Bad night (554)
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  (845): View more from New York

  This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.

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  (845): This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way. http://tfl.nu/f18r
  Replies (3) Good night (1232) Bad night (668)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off

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  (360): I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off http://tfl.nu/h8mk
  Replies (11) Good night (2175) Bad night (511)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.

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  (719): I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume. http://tfl.nu/djze
  Replies (4) Good night (1033) Bad night (246)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is

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  (317): And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is http://tfl.nu/xorh
  Replies (0) Good night (638) Bad night (248)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.

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  (706): I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea. http://tfl.nu/y332
  Replies (5) Good night (366) Bad night (182)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM

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  (+61): A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM http://tfl.nu/lo1g
  Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (184)

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