So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
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in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it