hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
