Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.

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(850): We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie. http://tfl.nu/ozoq

Replies (19) Good night (1144) Bad night (3044)
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(979): View more from Texas

so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.

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(979): so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together. http://tfl.nu/dxc5

Replies (15) Good night (3947) Bad night (1034)
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(614): View more from Ohio

how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready

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(614): how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready http://tfl.nu/g5tv

Replies (17) Good night (10122) Bad night (699)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

(631): View more from New York

Samesies

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(610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week. (631): Samesies http://tfl.nu/jurs

Replies (23) Good night (4896) Bad night (816)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

(479): View more from Arkansas

I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

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(417): I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka (479): I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once http://tfl.nu/xq51

Replies (10) Good night (6012) Bad night (847)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne

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(603): I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne http://tfl.nu/z1js

Replies (7) Good night (1707) Bad night (1242)
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(518): View more from New York

Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.

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(518): Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday. http://tfl.nu/c6q7

Replies (13) Good night (3344) Bad night (1325)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?

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(919): Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill? http://tfl.nu/kp4x

Replies (7) Good night (2118) Bad night (914)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol

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(910): he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol http://tfl.nu/9w2c

Replies (5) Good night (1355) Bad night (609)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.

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(615): We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND. http://tfl.nu/votz

Replies (1) Good night (783) Bad night (680)
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(219): View more from Indiana

The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.

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(219): The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover. http://tfl.nu/mbl4

Replies (3) Good night (350) Bad night (826)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Oh and I'm kind of in the library.

(757): View more from Virginia

Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.

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(757): Oh and I'm kind of in the library. (757): Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move. http://tfl.nu/r83r

Replies (1) Good night (485) Bad night (337)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.

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(202): Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm. http://tfl.nu/4htp

Replies (3) Good night (380) Bad night (261)
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(440): View more from Ohio

You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?

(330): View more from Ohio

Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.

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(440): You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids? (330): Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice. http://tfl.nu/lps6

Replies (4) Good night (991) Bad night (244)
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(707): View more from California

I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."

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(707): I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah." http://tfl.nu/2has

Replies (2) Good night (270) Bad night (533)

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