he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.