Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.

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  (914): Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex. http://tfl.nu/kgv4
  Replies (5) Good night (3075) Bad night (1399)
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  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

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  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (44958) Bad night (2177)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world

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  (631): i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world http://tfl.nu/qaz3
  Replies (30) Good night (6945) Bad night (1334)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

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  (269): when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way. http://tfl.nu/230k
  Replies (16) Good night (7476) Bad night (1122)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Whats the count minus fat chicks?

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  (810): Whats the count minus fat chicks? http://tfl.nu/9ldi
  Replies (28) Good night (1345) Bad night (3956)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.

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  (540): Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh. http://tfl.nu/suhk
  Replies (15) Good night (6159) Bad night (1118)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.

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  (719): No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina. http://tfl.nu/dm8r
  Replies (9) Good night (4207) Bad night (1174)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass

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  (602): It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass http://tfl.nu/mkro
  Replies (10) Good night (2871) Bad night (1224)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial

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  (412): No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial http://tfl.nu/kxls
  Replies (2) Good night (2735) Bad night (763)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.

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  (641): I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich. http://tfl.nu/1t3s
  Replies (5) Good night (1098) Bad night (765)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..

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  (215): i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be.. http://tfl.nu/8j64
  Replies (2) Good night (828) Bad night (1327)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself

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  (231): Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself http://tfl.nu/7j3v
  Replies (4) Good night (988) Bad night (806)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

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  (215): You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you. http://tfl.nu/sg3o
  Replies (7) Good night (1217) Bad night (683)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.

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  (405): ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction. http://tfl.nu/wfsg
  Replies (1) Good night (288) Bad night (546)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going

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  (847): Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going http://tfl.nu/u26z
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (235)

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