Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT