Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
