everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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