Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
