DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
