Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
