so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
