I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The air taste purple.
Randomize
