Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
