it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
