how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
