dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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