Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
