FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
