An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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