we're blogging at a bar
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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