Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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