NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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