from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
