Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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