We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
