hell yes lets make some ravioli
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
