You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
