my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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