i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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