failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
