jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
