sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
