Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize