She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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