Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
