do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sacagawea was the original milf.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
