you mean i was at the winter classic?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
