Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
