And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
