he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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