so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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