yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
