sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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