I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
