Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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