moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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