New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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