I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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