first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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