Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
