the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
