I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
