I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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