You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
