I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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