she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize