i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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