meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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