just tell him i said nine months
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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