im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
