i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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