This is not my ceiling
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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