Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
