We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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