speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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