Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
