thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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