I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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